I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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