so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
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