she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Randomize
