so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
I think weed is turning my hair brown
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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