you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Randomize
