Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
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