woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
Randomize
