Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
