I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
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