Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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