I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
