I'm sorry my penis didn't work
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
