So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
