I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
