Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
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