my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Randomize
