I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
