help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
