I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Randomize
