you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
