Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Randomize
