I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
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