I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize
