Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Randomize
