i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
