If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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