dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
