I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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