The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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