i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
Semen is not good for contacts.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
