I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
Randomize
