the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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