kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
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