I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
