i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize
