This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
Randomize
