great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Randomize
