if i can run in heels then i can drive
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
