Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
Randomize
