i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Randomize
