Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
