Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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