it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Randomize
