I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
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