Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Randomize
