fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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