Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
Where did you get a picture of my penis
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
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