Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
