You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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