nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
you traded sex for a burrito?
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
he was CRYING into my vagina
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Randomize
