I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
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