I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
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