Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
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