I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
Randomize
